So, this morning Lucy and I went to MOPS, then out to eat with my mom, then to Marshall's, then home. Lucy didn't get a nap because this woman came at 2:45 to meet us.
She came in, we all started talking. We talked about the kids, just some small talk. Her daughter seemed REALLY sweet and was just so good and kind and did EVERYTHING her mom told her to do. She often looked to her mom for guidance, and I was really impressed by how her mom directed her, and processed emotions with her. It was all fine and good.
The moment that things became a little odd was when the woman told me that she had two "concerns". The first was a huge concern that her children would be se*xually mole*sted by their caregiver. I told her that I could certainly relate, because that scared me, too - just about someone moles*ting my kids. I told her that I did have excellent references and had even had a background check by the nannying agency I used to work for. She told me that references were useless because all they did was tell you the stuff you wanted to hear. I sort of agree with that and told her so. She then asked me if I had been molested as a child; a question I found sort of odd, but, ok - it sometimes is a better-than-most indicator of whether or not someone will molest themselves. However, I do know people who have been molested as children and wouldn't dare touch a child in that way, so once again, I'm not totally sure I buy that. But whatever. She told me if anyone mol*ested her child she would kill them. She said she wasn't kidding. Ok.
Moving on.
Her daughter took Lucy's little vacuum toy, which Lucy started freaking out about. Then she held it above her head and threw it across the room. At this point Lucy was totally freaking out, and ran over and hit the little girl on the back. I immediately told Lucy this was NOT ok and put her in time out. She was told she could come out when she was ready to play nicely. (Which, for the record, I'm not entirely sure I would have done differently were I a 2-year-old whose home had just been invaded by another kid throwing my toys all over the room, AND I hadn't had a nap, AND, my mom was currently reading my favorite story to the other girl). So. Lucy came back out and the other mom started talking to her about what she had done, asking her why she had done it, telling her it wasn't ok, asking her daughter to come and tell Lucy that she didn't like to be hit on the back. Both girls were sort of just clueless and looked a bit dazed.
She then asked Lucy WHY she did it. What? WHY she did it? You're asking a 2-year-old to give an account of the reasons for their actions? Are you on LSD? The identifying quality of being two years old is that you do stupid, impulsive things all the time and you have NO idea why you do them. Probably because you felt like it. At this point I realized that the amount which her daughter complied sort of freaked me out, and she reminded me a bit of a robot. It was strange. I continued to watch with interest as she "processed" with her daughter, even telling her daughter not to touch Lucy unless she asked her first. Interesting.
The girls continued to play, and the mom would ask, "Do YOU allow Lucy to (insert any action here - run, jump, open the doors)? We don't allow Suzie to do that at our house." It was, in a word, strange. What 2 year old doesn't like to do all of those things? Trust me, I believe in consistent discipline with a small child. I believe they should know it's not ok to hit other kids in the face, steal toys, etc., etc. But I do believe there is a certain point at which, if you're not careful, you can drive your kid to drink Jack Daniels. Hovering over them and asking them to analyze every.single.thing.they.do. is going to give them less self-confidence and the sense that they don't have any idea they know what they're doing. Kids need to be able to make choices, and to see that sometimes those choices have negative consequences, without you allowing them to fail. I got the sense that this mom is so obsessed with having the perfect kid that she doesn't allow her child to be a kid.
It gets better.
Lucy then runs into her room and shuts the door. "Isn't she going to come back out?" "Well, I think she is just a little overwhelmed and needs some time by herself." "Can I deal with her?"
what?
I actually tell her she can...so here is what she does...she goes to where Lucy is now standing, in the hall, and says, "Suzie doesn't like it when you try to hit her. Please don't do that." Ummm...haven't we already established that? Hasn't Lucy been punished already for that? And have you ever thought that you have stayed too long and maybe my kid is just tired of all this damn processing you're trying to do?
Whenever Lucy would go off by herself to play the lady who look at me to see what I would do; see if I would redirect her. If there's one thing I know about Lucy it's that too much "No, Lucy" just makes matters worse and her little brain just shuts off and she has a meltdown. Anyway, I was trying to nurse Asher at the time and finally just let Lucy go off and do her own thing; she wasn't hurting anyone. I felt like I was under a microscope; every interaction with my child being analyzed.
So, after we finished the whole child molester talk, she asked to see the house, told me I needed to child-proof more, etc., etc. (Which, interestingly enough, Lucy doesn't get into the things we have told her not to get into - so that takes away the need for childproofing most things - guess she's not such a brat after all), Lucy started saying to me, "I'm hungry, mama! I'm hungry!" The woman kept asking me to get stuff for her kids...kleenexes, bottles, etc., etc. She asked me to find her kid's bottle while she stood there and waited for me to get it. Then she asked me to get a ball out from under the entertainment center. I told her I couldn't reach it so it might have to wait and she said, "Hey, I bet you could use a broom to get it out from under there." So, picture it - Lucy wailing at the table because she is two and she is h-u-n-g-r-y, me trying to get this stupid ball from underneath the entertainment center and becoming increasingly annoyed that this woman has been here for 2 hours and is NOW asking me what I feed my children. I am annoyed because I know whatever I take out of the fridge for Lucy is going to a. be analyzed and b. will make her child want it too, when I just want them to GO AWAY. I tell her that I try to keep the sodium low, and often Lucy eats some grapes, maybe some string cheese, chicken. She tells me that cheese has alot of sodium, and that they are a peanut free family. Fine. I think she can tell I'm getting annoyed, but she prattles on. Suzie apparently eats 8 apples a day. I'm not kidding you, people. Count them. 8. 2 more than this picture:
If you've been reading this long, you get rewarded with this...
So, she's ready to leave. "Nice meeting you," blah, blah, blah. Then, are you ready for it? "Is Lucy around other kids much?" "Yes, she is at church 3 times a week, and the nursery workers always tell us what a joy she is." "Well, you KNOW they're going to tell you that, because they're church workers. It's kind of like references. Their opinion is meaningless. I am afraid my daughter is going to pick up your daughter's behaviors."
Hmmmm....if I had a few more balls I would have said something like, "Well, I think sometimes it's important to read a 2-year-old's cues and disengage them from a situation that is becoming more and more volatile. She has had no nap today and we've been running all day. Your child reminds me of a robot on auto-pilot; a little adult. Could it be that she is afraid of making a mistake? BITE ME."
Instead, I wussied out and said, "Yes, I haven't seen those behaviors before. She usually doens't act like this."
"Well, does she play with HER?" (She points to my little neighbor two houses down who is yelling my name and asking me to come and bring Lucy to play)
"Yes, sometimes..."
She gives me a knowing look, like, "A-HA! That's why she's a brat!"
"Well, your daughter's behavior really concerns me. I'm not going to lie. I really like you, though, so we'll try to see if we can make this work."
I'm sure I'll write some wussy email about how our parenting styles our different. Understatement of the year. But for her to have the audacity to come into my house and critique my parenting style? My 42-year-old neighbor (whose house I went running to after all this happened) claims that I just need a few more years under my belt and I will care less and less what people think, and tell them more and more what I think.
Hey, lady? You don't like my kid, you don't like me.
Oh, and...
BITE ME.
The end.
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